Wednesday, 19 January 2011

The Green Hornet - El Papa Diablo

Superheroes, I am fan of these heroes and villains that grace the page, screen and in this case radio waves. However could Hollywood please oh god please stop making every single one in to a second rate movie. Apart from Batman which to be fair is pretty fucking awesome. Also stop with the 3D its pointless, especially just to see a giant Seth Rogan bursting out of the screen, I will have nightmares tonight.

To the film, well it was wank to put it bluntly, when I was told Hit or Shit would be making its triumphant return this week and that we'd be watching The Green Hornet I knew a bad review was on the cards. I'm not a fan of Rogan's work at the best of times so to watch his character from Pineapple Express play Britt Reid aka The Green Hornet was quite painful and of course he wrote it because surely no other fucker would write a script for this loveable doofus to carry, right? (Judd Apatow hang your head son). It sort of had a plot, be good guys posing as bad guys so we can take over the bad guys turf and then be the ultimate good guys after beating the bad guys, thats the plot sorted. The dialogue was text book Rogan all balls, awesomes and over excited man child bollocks, Kato could barely speak English but he managed a few Roganisms throughout. So anyway Britt and Kato take on the criminal underworld which is run by a severely under used Christopher Waltz (Oscar Winner) who seems to be obsessed with being a super villain so much so he's a little bit self conscious about it, shit I know. Britt is also running the news paper his Dad owned and peddling himself as the Green Hornet on the front page everyday, that just has to lead to some kind of repercussions. It ends poorly. a car chase a shoot out and a couple of lame deaths and we're done and I'm regretting spending the points I saved on my odeon card on this pile of steaming crap.

The action sequences are ok but I think somebody got a wee bit trigger happy with the slow mo in the editing suite. Visually it looks like your average no brainer action comedy it really lacks style which is surprising considering its directed by the rather wonderful Michel Gondry, who was responsible for the beautifully crafted Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind, The science of sleep and many amazing music videos (you tube them now please). Considering this is a comedy it seriously lacks laughs I sniggered twice and it never induced me in to a laugh out loud style seizure. Oh yeah and Cameron Diaz is in it. (will she ever make another decent film)

In short, its a shit film starring a man who has about as much range as the shit he's starring in that has been written by himself. Also Edward Furlong looks like a crack whore or something, life has been cruel to good ol' John Connor.

3/10 you only get 3 because William Adama is a small part in you The Green Hornet......ballbag.

El Papa Diablo

P.S Magnum become a bad guy so you can be the good guy and then go fuck yourself.

Tuesday, 18 January 2011

The Green Hornet - MAGNUM

My Rating: 4/10 - Does Kato-Vision cost as much as 3D Vision???


It's good to be back and what better way to kick off 2011 by watching a Hit –unfortunately we FUCKING DIDN’T and I can only imagine the downward spiral that is upon us for the next several months.

First things first – why the hell was this film in 3D – there was no need for it to be in 3D – it obviously wasn’t made to be in 3D based on the cinematography of the film, apart from the odd explosion nothing jumped out at you or any shit like that – the frickin Odeon advert with its fucking butterflies were more 3D than this film.
I’m sick of paying a £10 ticket for all this 3D nonsense – its bullshit – an absolute rip off and the film industry bitches and moans when people don’t pay for a film “costing” the industry money– well if the industry wasn’t run by money grabbing fucks ripping people off left, right and centre you might not get little Johnny downloading Kung Fu Panda 2!!!

Anyway onto the film… SHIT

Seth Rogen plays Britt Reid the playboy who out of boredom and lacking purpose suddenly decides to play superhero - I could go on about how Seth Rogen plays the same lovable doofus in every single film and how his dialogue ranges from “AWESOME” to “OK” but I do love Rogen – I loved Pineapple Express and Superbad and he can play that same role for all eternity for all I care just as long as the cast around him are better than he is and the story isn’t a piece of shit i.e. not The Green Hornet and something more like The 40 Year Old Virgin which was brilliant.

As for the story – I don’t know much about the original radio show or TV show – just that it originally starred Bruce Lee as Kato, but the whole idea of good guys pretending to be bad guys to get to the bad guys has to be the dumbest idea ever, especially when it just involves The Green Hornet and his sidekick Kato driving round in their car beating up street gangs and that’s the “story” the two of them going round causing trouble unveiling a dumb conspiracy that you saw coming a mile off and saving the day by being a pair of screw ups.
Needless to say that’s pretty much all you’re getting – a film with hardly any story and Rogen being his usual dumb-ass self all the way through it.

I did find the film entertaining in parts – The guy who played Kato stole most of the scenes from Rogen - a couple of the fight scenes were well played out and a couple of funny cameo appearances from James Franco to wait for it… EDDIE FURLONG (John Connor himself) and if you think that guy can’t luck any worse than he did in The Crow 4 – then take a look at this film – prepare to be shocked!!!

MAGNUM’S VERDICT: A comic-book film in January? What did you expect? If you want to see Seth Rogen at his best go and watch Donnie Darko and YES - he is in Donnie Darko.

The Green Hornet 3D - STEEL

My Rating: 4/10

Yeah it was bloody awful.

I didn't really enjoy any of it, thus the low score. Normally i'll watch these films and think they're shit but still enjoy it based on solely how poor a constructed movie it was. However this film didn't even give me that pleasure.

It started off ok a little obvious and cheesy and the action kicked off with a great little fight scene with some great shots of slo-mo action and some really well utilised 3D with shrapnel flying out into view and roundhouse kicks feeling like they might just get you. From here on out it just went extra terrible, the story or lack thereof was just unbelievably stupid. It made absolutely no sense.

The premise was the green hornet played by Seth Rogan doing his usual i'm a guy that's super clumsy thing loses his farther in tragic circumstances, however he despises his farther and as such we kick off the escapades of the green hornet with him and his newly employed friend Kaido going to cut the head of a monument of his farther.

This goes to plan but turns sour when they get involved in a mugging, que the pretty cool fight scene mentioned above. Yet it appears after defeating these people they seem to think the best way to fight crime is to become secret criminals but actually be the good guys at the same time (you what?!).

Yeah it really is that stupid, so you figure ok the plans to infiltrate the evil ranks of crime which they start doing by busting up drug rings whilst pretending to make a bid to take over the city from an evil crime lord. Blah Blah Blah. That's it that's what happens for the remainder of the movie, then you figure it'll all pan out nicely and they'll become some kind of super hero duo!

But... They don't there isn't a slight bit of redemption for these characters and in the end instead of stopping the villain the Batman way (all justice no killing) their plan goes to shit when the hapless green hornet accidentally doesn't record the incriminating evidence to take down the entire crime ring and it's leaders and end up having to just kill the guys responsible by shooting one and ramming the other off the top floor of a building with their super gadgety car which let's face is it isn't an awesome old school mustang it's just some 65'ish american car that ain't no Batmobile!

Oh did i mention this was a comedy? No? That's cause it isn't funny!

Oh and did i also mention the awesome Admiral Adama, Mr Edward James Olmos was in it? No? That's cos he was so underused there wasn't really any point why not get a cheap extra it was hardly worth contracting him!

Something good:

The wicked 3D fight Scene.

Something Bad:

The rest of the film (sorry Seth probably best to let someone else write for you from now on huh)

Better than:

Dark Man

Worse than:

Spider man 3 (and that's rubbish too)

Overall: Don't bother with this one, rent some other rubbish super hero movie like Iron Man 2, Spider man 3 or maybe even just watch one of Joel Schumachers Batman movies anything's probably better than this!


Saturday, 15 January 2011


As good old Sam Beckett use to say - OH BOY; looking through the list of films coming our way this year - it seems to be a year of the SHIT and not the HIT.

The yanks are bringing us their take on The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo... why?
We're getting a prequel to the John Carpenter classic The Thing... why?
And it appears "THE" FINAL DESTINATION wasn't the final destination after all... why?

I wish I could cryogenically freeze myself and skip the entire year to enjoy the gems that 2012 has to offer - The Dark Knight Rises, Star Trek 2, The Spiderman Reboot, James Bond 23, Ridley Scott's Alien Prequel... the list goes on, but then I wouldn't be able to rant and rave of all the Shit that's coming my way.

Anyhow below is a few trailers of what to expect on the Hit or Shit's radar:


Yeah the titles shit, but the Fast and the Furious films are my guilty pleasure - I love em and look they've got that very talented actor The Rock in it now...great!

TRANSFORMERS 3: Dark of the Moon

What is it with these shit names - Dark of the moon? - I expect this film to be as shit as its title. I actually enjoyed the first film - but then its carbon copy of a sequel came out... yawn and I'm expecting much the same from this one with zoomed in arse shots of whoever Michael Bay has replaced Megan Fox with.


Yes that's how shit 2011 is going to be - bringing back a shit trilogy that should of stayed dead in the 90's, let's hope this new killer breaks all the horror rules and just kills everyone so we'll never have to see another sequel ever again!

Green Hornet reviews will be up this week.


Wednesday, 22 September 2010




I love boxing and I love boxing movies. This one is based on the life of Mickey Ward (Wahlberg) who rose to prominence in the early 90's (watch his trilogy of fights against Arturo Gatti, wow) and his brother Dickie Ward (Bale) who was a naturally gifted boxer and went all the way with Sugar Ray Leonard but ended up addicted to crack. Sure it looks like an uplifting sports movie with cheesy inspirational music but this one is for real. The cast is great Wahlberg, Bale, Amy Adams and Mellisa Leo hello oscar season, plus early reviews say its a bit special



Ok so this one is about wrestling not the good kind either that involves chairs and steel cages, but it does star Mark Wahlberg lookalike John Cena as some kind of thug who teaches his nerdy younger brother (they look like Arnie and De Vito in Twins) to wrestle so he can honour his Dad who also wrestled. Danny Glover also stars as a wise old black guy, bet they tried to get Morgan Freeman first. Anyway this looks SHIT.

Much love El Papa Diablo.

P.S Fuck yourself, you know who I'm talking to.

Friday, 10 September 2010

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Scott pilgrim vs the world - Quisli

Now this another film that surprised me, once magnum said it was a good film I was like is he taking the piss or is this guy serious and yes this guy was serious. Now you people need to get your downloading ass's down the bloody cinema and pay that so called over priced ticket to watch this film where it should be watched in all it's glory on the big screen. A film made for geeks, I see why magnum loved it, and from the opening pixelated scene I knew steelwould love it too.

Cera the same as he is in all his films, he must have been preparing in those for this role becuase this film is where it suited best, and ramon ramona, well I see why he was after this one, you wanna see her in her lingeray wow. And allways changng her hair color every week, I know people who have done this but this girl really pulls this off.

Knives well she's cool aswell, reminds me abit of the girl from knocked up, which one? The stoned Asian one. All you gaming geeks will love this and even if you aren't a gaming geek, me, you'll love it too, it shits all over shifty axion films directed by old I should not be a action hero anymore director. Surprised just like in Bruges, the new karate kid and walk the line did as I didn't fancy watching these films but he'll they surprised me fo show.

Oh and this film is such an on it's own idea, I know or I do now know it was a comic, thanks el papa, and this just adds to the whole geek game kapow here and paf there, I'm glad I saw this film too and I wanna watch it again, wish I knew more about games to get all those references, watch this if you where disapointed by crappy action film old men we still can act film or just becase I told you too, it's got games, bands, laughs and cool geeky girls, not even geeky but cool, not one of those five a day girls, cos they look like a orange.

I give this film ten terrabytes out of ten